"Son," the father says, examining the broken petri dishes littered about the floor, “I’m not a mad scientist, I’m just a disappointed scientist.”
I don’t even care what you think this is the best post I’ve ever made
Remember when they were going to censor the internet?
Remember when people cared about Kony?
Remember when people did the cinnamon challenge?
Remember when everyone played Temple Run?
Remember the Alamo?
Remember the Titans?
remember who you are
i cant remember shit
This got better.
HOW ABOUT THAT NEW SILENT HILLS TRAILER
NO NO NO NO NO NO.
How much is this monstrosity?
If its cheap, I might buy it - and make the other 2/3 of the outfit they seem to have forgotten. Like the pants.
It’s +$100. I kid you not.
so today my ap art history teacher was teaching us about Hapshetsut the only female pharaoh and he was like “have you seen women they can pop out a baby and be like alright let’s go” and then he walked over to this guy and aimed his fist towards his balls and the guy flinched and held his crotch so he was like “men may be stronger but women are tougher” and then he said “so when someone tells you to grow a pair, they mean ovaries”
ATTENTION FOR A SECOND, YO:
Real talk, this animal (the Ordovician Helmet crab, aka the Horseshoe crab, aka the Atlantic’s most at-risk shelled animal) is of a species that is close to 450 million years old. They are considered endangered, and often wash up on the shores of Long Island (this big lady crab was at TR park in Oyster Bay)
Note: these animals are often used to extract their blue blood and cure diseases. They help the ocean out big time. And they are one of the longest-surviving species on the planet. They’re washing up and people don’t think to/are scared to save them because of their deceivingly harmless barbs.
Take note, friends. Their barbs are NOT stingers. They cannot hurt you. Their pinchers aren’t pinchers, they’re just little legs that are actually really soft! The barb tail they have is actually what they use to stick into the ocean floor or the sand when waves knock them over or they flip onto their backs by accident. And you can help them out by flipping them back over very quickly and helping them scuttle back into the water if you see them struggling.
This is way important. Just call me the Sarah McLachlan of horseshoe crabs.
Hey everyone, as someone who grew up with horseshoe crabs literally everywhere I’d like to bring your attention to these fine, prehistoric bottom-feeders. Growing up in Gerritsen Beach (In Brooklyn, NY) meant seeing dozens upon dozens of horseshoe crabs trapped in fishing lines and shredded sandbags, stuck above the high-tide marks during low tide, and sometimes washed up on the rocks. Which led to probably hundreds of hours cutting them loose every summer during the mating seasons. Horseshoe crabs are 10000% harmless to you and can be easily handled (just don’t dangle them from their tails (known as a telson); that’s painful and you may accidentally rip the tail off and they’ll have to wait until their next molt to grow a new one!).
If you see a horseshoe crab on the beach, gently nudge it with your foot. Most of them will respond by waving their telson around. If it doesn’t respond, flip it over to check for moving limbs. If you suspect it is tangled and can’t move and you can’t bring it straight to the water because of this get a bucket of sea water and slowly pour it over the book gills and legs. As you work to untangle these rad critters, which are actually more closely related to spiders than crabs, pour more water over it periodically until you can return it to the ocean. However, during the mating season horseshoe crabs will attach together, with the large female toting around a smaller male behind her, and bury themselves in sand and mud to lay their eggs. Do not dig up these horseshoe crabs unless you are absolutely sure that they are stuck above the high tide mark. If you see dozens of beached horseshoe crabs but none of them are clinging together and the tide is going out, please do your part and turn them back in the direction of the water. Place them at the water’s edge and let them decide which direction they want to go in to be absolutely sure that they aren’t stranded accidentally.
Horseshoe crabs cannot bite you, and their “pincers” are really just for picking up food and don’t hurt if they try to grab you. They may be a little intimidating-looking but they are harmless and will be grateful for your help.
Just look at all those friendly legs waiting to tickle you in thanks for helping them not die a slow death of baking in the sun and getting eaten by gulls and other sea birds!
Please, protect our bottom feeding horseshoe crabs at all costs. Yes their blood has important medicinal value, being copper-based unlike our iron-based blood, but overharvesting them can have devastating effects on our underwater ecosystems. When being harvested for blood they should actually be returned to the ocean after taking a little, rather than bled dry
bury me in armor so I’ll be ready for the skeleton war
why is his fricking chest uncovered? that’s ppor planning right there
what are you gonna do?
stab a skeleton in the heart?
no, I’ll play their rib bones like xylobones and destroy the morale of the skeleton army with my sick and delightful xylobone playing
PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE THIS.
This Thursday, Scotland votes for its independence.
The BBC is trying to report that Yes to Independence is losing. They’re using photos to imply our gatherings are tiny and insignificant instead of the many photos like those above. They’re reporting that an anti-independence march by the Orange Order (think the KKK with more British flags) was a peaceful pro-union family march. They have been caught editing clips to discredit our First Minister.
There is a protest outside BBC headquarters right now. They are claiming there are a maximum of 350 protesters.
Watch for yourself. There are far more people outside their offices right now and they are being ignored and misreported.
We need to be seen. The only way we’ve been able to disseminate accurate information has been through social media. The media we rely on to spread unbiased information is lying to us, trying to suppress us.
PLEASE SHARE. PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS. WE NEED OUR VOICES TO BE HEARD.
this website is very american-centric. please, we need to be heard. please pay attention.
this is a whole country’s FUTURE.
what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?
one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails
Don’t fuck with me
This is great. You were very mature and explicit, as well as helpful in the ways that you could be. I don’t think you could have handled this any better than you did. 4 for you, Glen Coco.
I wish I could have stood up for myself in this way when I was a teenager
Threatening suicide to get what you want isn’t “borderline” abusive, it is abusive.
Men who do this have a very high risk of murdering whomever they’re trying to guilt trip when the guilt trip eventually stops working.
ironically hes joked about killing me before
im not like other girls
I crave intimacy but I get confused and uncomfortable when I’m shown even the slightest bit of attention or affection.